Unforgiveness: The Lingering Bitterness

The world tells us to forgive because it is a poison to our souls. But...how? It is impossible to forgive without receiving the forgiveness God offers through His Son Jesus on the cross. Until you receive forgiveness, you cannot give it. Impossible! Just as much as if you don't receive God's love, it is impossible to give something you don't have. Wordly love and forgiveness comes from head knowledge and book knowledge. It is conditional. Let me explain. 

Last night, I heard my Pastor speak about unforgiveness. By the end of the sermon, I sat before the Lord and prayed. He said God will not hear me or answer my prayers until I forgive every person. I thought of every person in my life that hurt me and I wanted to make sure I forgave them. I had so many! I am quick to forgive, but it is only the Holy Spirit who can show us our own self deception. Was I deceived? Did I harbor any bitterness in my heart to someone who did me wrong? Here are some of the signs of bitterness. Do you have them?

1. Smear campaign: You are so angry at the person who hurt you, so you gather others, one by one, to discredit them and put them in a bad light. You make sure people know how "fake" or a "bad" Christian they truly are. You are driven to tell others only things that will hurt the other person's reputation. "If they only knew..."

2. Slander: In your mind, because of your anger and bitterness, Satan will speak lies to you about that person and you WILL believe those lies because you are already deceived because of your sin of unforgiveness. You will believe evil things about them and spread lies and rumors to make other people believe the lies too. You make sure others know the "truth" about them even though they are truly lies. God calls that slander. Your motive is to destroy the person's reputation. It's all about your motive.

3. Rehearsing: Everytime you think about this person, you keep rehearsing over and over about what they said or did to you. You can't stop thinking about the offense. You are tormented by it. If someone else brings their name up, you only say negative things about them over and over again. Although that is expected when we've been hurt in a substantial way, it is a sign that we have not fully forgiven the person. We must do what the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."

4. Smirking: When someone brings up their name, you smirk or roll your eyes. You can't stand that ANYONE has ANYTHING good to say about them. You are happy at their downfall. You don't rejoice when they are blessed. Paul mentions in Ephesians 4, and it is sinful. Malice shows that we are harboring bitterness in our hearts.

5. Complaining: The first sign that I'm bitter towards God or others is when I complain often about my circumstances. No one can ever do anything right. ESPECIALLY the object of your wrath. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." But what are we supposed to give thanks for? That God will use what was meant for evil, for your good. It many not feel like it, but we can forgive and trust God. 

6. You are jealous: When you see that person confident, successful and looking good, you are so jealous, that you begin to put them down and accuse them of vanity, obsession, undermining their looks and success. You are angry that others support them. Jealousy leads to murdering a person's spirit. It harbors hatred for the very things you yourself do not possess. James 4:2-3 "You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

7. You are sick: Even scientists have concluded that many diseases are caused by a bitter heart. The root of all addictions are unforgiveness. Almost all emotional disorders are rooted in anger, hurt and unforgiveness. MANY but not all Physical illnesses are also rooted from bitterness. Bitter people tend to have higher blood pressure and heart rate and are much more likely to die of heart disease and other illnesses. In Acts 8:23, Paul describes the “gall of bitterness.” It's a bile, a bitter substance that can literally make us sick. On multiple occasions, I have walked into a room and I can identify bitter people simply by looking at their face. 

8: Your clan is bitter: We can begin to identify our bitterness by the type of people that surround us. Is each member of your family bitter? Are your children bitter? Do your friends encourage your bitterness and support it or do they confront you? Is your marriage bitter? Is your divorce bitter? Like all weeds, bitterness has a way of spreading. This passage describes one possible progression. A man infects his wife. She infects her children. The bitterness spreads, and soon the whole tribe is infected. 
"Beware lest there be among you a man or woman or clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the LORD our God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit." (Deuteronomy 20:18) Bitterness will turn you after other gods. You will downslide into following false teaching and the false teachers. 



9: Silent treatment: When a person holds a grudge, they display it though silent treatment which is a form of control and manipulation. They won't pick up the phone, return a call or answer a text or email. Passive-aggressive people use this to abuse and hurt another person. It is a witchcraft spirit. They withhold love and hold on to grudges which is a root of bitterness. When a person is healthy, they will let the other person know that they are angry and processing but they will return the other's call within a frame of time. Romans 12:21 says, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

God will not forgive us if we don't forgive others. It is a commandment! Is there someone you need to go to to and ask for forgiveness for what you have done to them or how you have treated them? Did you slander them or lie about them? Did you tell others how bad they really are? Have you torn them apart on social media or the internet in a personal way? Have you spread gossip about them with others at Church? Do you call other family members and turn people against them from within?  If you have done any of the above, you must repent. You won't make it to heaven if you don't. I mean...God said He won't forgive you either. We are not to harbor anything between our brothers and sisters in Christ. We must have right relationships and do everything and anything we can to make the wrong...right. Use wisdom and caution in all matters, but forgiveness is NOT an option no matter who and what has been done to us. Leave your gift at the altar and fix it! Confront the issue be be free in Jesus Name! We are to LOVE our enemies and pray for them AND do good to them. It doesn't matter if they respond well or not. You did what God commands. That's all that matters.

"But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15